uly 2014 my Uterus filed for divorce I couldn’t believe it I would have never thought this would be the outcome my endometriosis was that bad. I didn’t want the divorce I wanted to fight to keep it, to keep my chances to have biological children, but not even my eggs were viable, so I had no choice but to sign the papers. On this date 4 years ago, the divorce was final, just like that it was all over it was one of the worst feelings I’ve felt. The moment I opened my eyes from my surgery the grieving began.
Today 4 years later I am feeling a lot of emotion and I write this blog post, and I honestly can’t explain it. I guess like any bad breakup coming up on the anniversary you begin to recall the situation and you start thinking what could I have done to make things better, what if I persisted with trying to find a doctor after the three other doctors, I went to didn’t believe me when I explained my pain? Should I have sought a second opinion? What if I changed my diet years ago would my endometriosis have been so bad? Yep, these are the questions that plague me, and these were the same thoughts going through my head in the hospital.
I must say though, since my surgery I’ve grown, I don’t cry as often, I can see babies (sometimes) and not cry, I can see pregnant women and not get angry at myself or God (as long as it’s not an overwhelming number), I can now start thinking about my future family. I still have A LOT!!! Of work to do until I am ready to adopt, but I count all my small – big victories because I came from daily breakdowns to every now and again breakdowns and I’m grateful for the progress.
4 years ago, I would have never thought I would start a brand - Millennial in Menopause® surrounding my journey with endometriosis and my new journey with surgical menopause. I would have never thought that I would be able to encourage other women who are considering a hysterectomy and who are going through surgical menopause now. I especially never thought I would be able to smile again, although things are not perfect, and my menopause is causing some serious mood swings and body changes I’m alive and making new friends in this process.
Today I am thankful for life, for my restored health, and my family members who have wiped my tears and road this journey out with me. I’m thankful for my friends who took the time to understand my disease and support me, I’m thankful for co-workers who put up with my mood swings and understand it’s not them it’s me (I love you ladies!!! XOXO), I am also thankful for all of my Millennial in Menopause family you ladies rock I love the support you give me.
Today I understand that my journey is not my own, it’s to advocate for my Endo sisters who can’t and for my Hyster sisters who aren’t ready or able to talk. God has given me a strength that I will never fully understand, all I know is I am taking this journey one day at a time. If you are reading this and you are considering a hysterectomy, you are in surgical menopause, or you’re dealing with a reproductive health issue please know that you are not alone.
There is so much more I have to share, but I’m saving that for my book. I can’t wait to see what life will be in the next 4 years, I guess I can say this story is To Be Continued.